the hardest summer

yes yes I am back to give anyone who actually read this blog an update :]. The semester is winding down and there is still so much to do

this semester has been difficult and I feel worn out already but I'm doing really well.

I've been volunteering for Dr. Joe, the audiologist who taught us last semester, since February and it's been quite an experience. I've been able to observe and interact with many children with multiple disabilities. I really owe Dr. Joe for this experience opportunity. He has taken me to hearing aid company conventions and has taught me so much about the field, the politics, and about life in general and I am so thankful. Every day at Dr. Joe's I learn something new. I'm his only volunteer so I really get that one on one interaction which is priceless, something seen only in the latter stages of grad school clinics.

The one handicapp I had going into this year was that I didn't have any experience. I was afraid I couldn't do what I set out to do but I'm doing fine. I should be on my way to applying for grad school this upcoming march. I decided to wait a year to get more experience and I hope it turns out for the better. The good news is that the program is offering us the SLPA practicum so I can get my assistant certification and work as a slpa up until I prep myself for grad school and even during grad school to help pay for tuition. I really need to get into the workfield for experience as well as the income. I heard the slpas get paid pretty well so i'm happy to know they're offering the course.

The bad news is that that adds to the already rigorous schedule of summer. Summer will be so difficult because of all the distractions. I really want to party like everyone but I need to get my act straight and my career in place. My time to grow up is here and now; and its so hard. Of course I want to be playing beer pong all the time. No one wants to study. But this pass year and this program at CSULB is my third chance at a fulfilling life and I'm not gonna make the same mistakes again. I've also been doing so well. In the beginning of the program I was afraid that I had to compete with many people with experience and multiple graduate degrees. One lady had a Ph.D; she's dropped out since then. I am truly proud with myself so far but theres a long path ahead. Alot of my teachers are young SLPs and are thinking about whether they should go for the PhD. I guess in every stage of life, there are new challenges. I want to look back when all is set and done and be satisfied with the fact that I gave it my all instead of out partying.

Don't get me wrong, there is a time and place for fun. I just really want to get my act in line so that I earn my fun.

With all that said, I've been studying so much all the time. I studied 18 hours straight for this pass test in phonology. It was our most difficult test yet. there was 400 pages of material to cover and honestly I couldn't get the studying I want done, so I had to just concentrate on the things I thought was going to be on the test. I studied from 10pm-6 at my house and then took a 1 hour break to shower and eat and then got to starbucks by 8am. I stayed at starbucks till 4pm; longer than the shifts of the people I saw at 8am lol. I couldn't go on at that point so I tossed in the towel and headed home for food and a 45 minute nap and headed to school at 6 pm. The test was lolomgwtf. I totally thought I failed and was praying for at least an 84 to keep my A. Turns out he was generous and I got a 91 :] yayyyy.

That's pretty much been life for me. Studying all the time like that. I lack the talent like some people so I have to make up for it through countless hours of studying. Four years ago in my first year at UCI, a professor told us: "those who succeed in college are not the smartest ones, but the ones who try the hardest." I wish I had the wisdom to take that advice back then, but it certainly proves true for me now. Better late than never right?

After the experiences thus far, I can really see myself being a speech pathologist. Things are clicking and its starting to make sense, and I'm really happy that it is.

I just finished my resource binder due tomorrow on saturday. Cynthia helped me so much and if it wasn't for her, I would probably still be working on it. Yea, we decided to work on it all weekend to get it done. We worked so hard, I was too tired to go have fun. She's amazing. She's doing well in her current classes and even has the time to help me with my work. That's something I can't do. She certainly has smarts than I have :].

I haven't been to as many socials like I have the passed years. I wonder what kind of reasons my friends come up for it :P but good friends will always understand whatever hardships and difficulties I must go through and not hold me up for something that we have plenty of.

I need to diet again! I'm getting chubssss
I'm looking forward to my first birthday without finals!
I'm looking forward to EDC!!

I hope to bring you more good news next time!!

because we are tuesdays people

(I began to write this entry about a month ago but never got a the chance to finish it lol)

this one's for you twin :] (yes i do see what you write on the side)


Before you read this looooong blog about my life (which is mostly about school) and question why its all about school. It's because I am for always a nerd :]. On that note, my anthro degree was finally ready for pickup mid february 2010 and i picked it up a few days after it was ready :]. one day, hopefully soon, i'll have a SLP M.S. and maybe even a PhD, but i'll celebrate when that day comes.

now it gets to sit next to its evil friend

the evil bio friend

the friendly anthropology :]

its been awhile since i've blogged so here's a ginormous one.

my last blog was about school so lets start off with how the last semester ended. well that analysis paper took ALOT of my time so i couldn't study as much for my other classes. I was really glad when i handed the paper in because i have this problem where i can only concentrate on one item at a time :(. we ended up getting a 90 on that paper and we were kinda disappointed because we felt that i rocked that analysis portion but an A is an A so we can't complain. Finals week was stressful as always and it sucked more that all the UC people were out early so i was studying while everyone else was having fun. On the day of my phonetics final i realized i lost my phonetics workbook and probably left it in the library hours before when i was studying there. it was worth 12.5 % of my grade and i was terribly sad and, so i drove to the library at 9am and asked the front desk if they found my books and guess what??? they found it! i was so relieved. So in the end when all the dust settled, I got my first 4.0 in college!!! i'm so proud of myself :)

so when we finished finals, me and cynthia still had ALOT of shopping left to do before i left for pheonix on the 22nd so that's what we did. The week i left for phoenix, everyone decided to do a lot of partying and i missed out on it :(.

Pheonix was so much fun. I enjoyed seeing my grandparents and family. I always got so many presents :]. My cousins all have children now so they didn't have that much time to take me out but it's okay. I can do that anytime. The reason i visited was to be with family. My little cousin is all grown up now. She's in her second year of college :]. I told her that maybe one day we'll be able to play beer pong together lol. All in all, i was really glad to see everyone but i was also glad to come home where i had internet and a car lol.

After I got back from pheonix i spent alot of time with cynthia and her family for the holidays and new years :]

fast forward a month and here i am studying at starbucks again as i'm blogging. School started a couple weeks ago and I'm ready to rock and roll again. I have to try and keep on with the studying and prove to myself that last semester was no fluke. So i decided not to apply to grad school this year and I truly think that it is the best decision. I've emailed three of my teachers last semester for a recommendation letter and all three gladly agreed to :]. Barbara commented on my amazing writing skills and said that "I had a way with words" :] that made me blush. Either way I'm really glad that I have plenty of recommendations now. Also I contacted my teachers about opportunities to gain experience in the field. I feel so behind in my class because everyone has some prior experience. Dr. Joe the audiologist and one my last semester teachers agreed for me to volunteer for him. I'm to meet him at his school next Thursday to work out a schedule. I'm really excited because this is my opportunity to work one on one with a professional as well as the students.

In my life, I've let so many opportunities pass. I've always felt like I wasn't good enough with my grades so I never applied for anything. This time, I'm ready to let those mistakes go and learn from them. I really got to put myself out there if I want to achieve my goals and dreams.

I feel like I have so many things to do and it just never stops. But I guess that's life. That's why I haven't been blogging. I still need to email my professors from UCI and my teacher from Cal Teach, Mrs. Stepanksi and update them on my life and progress. Even though the moment's gone, everyday when I wake up and see that poster on my wall from the kids of Mrs. Stepanski's class, it reminds me that I should work hard simply because for a moment in time, those kids looked up to me. Mrs. Stepanski was also very invested in me while I was under her watch. The letters and poems she sent me as well as the giftcard she didn't have to give me stays in my heart.

I don't really know what to expect this semester and the classes are increasingly more challenging. I'm doing my best to study and adapt to change. I keep telling myself that it will only get harder as life goes on so I will have to keep trying harder and harder. What keeps me going is the prospect of my future success and the proud looks on those who have believed in me along the way as well as the people I will help with the stuff I'm learning now. Every single one of my teachers love their career and are very passionate. I hope that I will become as good if not better a speech pathologist as any one of them. On a comic relief note, one my teachers this semester added me on facebook lol. He's pretty chill, rides a motorcycle, and is all tatted up.

Oh, and I just finished reading Tuesday's for Morrie for my alternative and augmentative language class. It was a fast and good read. The story is so inspirational it makes me believe I can do anything. read it when you get the chance guys. Its a true story about a Professor named Morrie and his student named Mitch Albom. The two had a very close relationship when Mitch was in college. Mitch graduated and went on to be a very succesful sports writer. Mitch, with all the wealth and prominence yet feels lost in life decides to visit his former teacher Morrie after hes learned that Morrie is dieing of ALS (amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). Morrie then continues to teach Mitch about life lessons until he dies. Mitch Albom documents this in his book "Tuesdays with Morrie"

So there's that. I know most of my posts are about school but that's the bulk of my life right now. I'll blog in a few days, months, who knows lol. see you laterrrr alligatorrrr

the gem

i have an analysis paper due tomorrow. ok well its not due tomorrow but i set it as my due date so i can finish things in time. My group, so far, has done the bulk of the footwork and writing so I felt its only fair to handle the hardest part. It's also because i don't trust anyone else but me for this :P its gonna be an all-nighter for me and i'm already sleepy :/

i am blah right now.

i am so blah right now and i have no idea why. and it bothers me so much. i keep thinking theres something wrong with me

today i woke up around 11:15 because twin texted me about 11:11 lol and lounged around and ate the left over banh mi cynthia brought me yesterday till around 1230 and then headed to starbucks to study with chris and flora. we studied till around 9 and went to eat with bruce and trinh, who came down from vegas for the night. its always good to see them :]. but yea, i feel like shit. it might be the caffeine, or it might not. i rode today, and the ride home was effing cold like no other. i need to get some thermals,

either way, i'm not feeling too well, and i don't like it one bit.

I guess i put on my philosophizer hat on too many times today. and then i start thinking alot of things, and people, the world, and myself. and LOL i just end up tiring myself even more. oh well.

i was transcribing for phonetics today and came across this and thought it was interesting:

"people who fall in love with themselves will have no rivals"

i just realized how disorganized this post is but thats how i am right now lol.

wish me luck until my next post, really though, wish me luck.

this one's for you, billy phuc ngo

ok i'm hella tired. more lazy than tired but billy's been bothering me about this and i told phuc ngo i'd blog so here's my attempt at it

first of all, movie thoughts

where the wild things are:
I saw this one awhile back in imax and i thought it couldve been better. I'd give it all the credit for following the book quite well and i guess it scored alot of points for that. However, it is NOT the child's book that i enjoyed. When transcribed onto the movie screen, the entire mood was a bit too gloomy for me and a tad bit sadistic. Maurices Syndak's revealed the honest and truthful imaginations of a child. The transcripition, however, highlights Max's real life challenges more than anything and transfers this childhood angst into the monsters he meets. Yes, I get it, each monster is suppose to represent a challenge in his life or a reflection of a flaw in himself. However, while doing this, the fun and imaginative environment created by syndak's book is lost. What bothers me the most is that there isn't any resolution to the solemn mood created by the movie. The movie brings up alot of interesting notions but provides little support for these notions. Perhaps the purpose is to let the audience wonder and fill in the blanks. And sometimes, that's a good thing, but not in this movie. I didn't think that putting on my pscyhology hat for this movie was appropriate. Despite all these critiques, the movie itself was entertaining and did a decent job of bringing a childhood classic to life.

Grade: B

Paranormal Activity:
I was scared shitless. I know some people found it stupid or even funny but i thought it was a classic horror flick. What worked: the realism environment and home camera produced a realistic mood where you can see this happening to you. This is precisely what also worked for the exorcist. The environment itself was realistic. The concept should also be applauded. It was kept simple. I can see why some found it boring. The entire movie was pretty much watching them sleep and the ending was the only big doozy. despite this, it did its job for what it was. a movie with this little special effects, makeup, costumes etc should be applauded for scaring this many people.

grade: A-

I've been busy with school as always. I've been doing very well, until yesterday. My anatomy test was fucking ultra difficult. I felt the test was very unfair and she led us on to believe it was going to be something it wasn't. Either way, I am very dissapointed in myself, because at the end of the day, its my grade and my future. And sure getting a B in a class is not the end of the world but its not about that. I spent my undergrad years fucking up school and because of that, i closed alot of doors on myself. This is why I have to do well this time around. I am still soooo depressed because of this.


Mimi Tran bka My twin:
So i met someone who's almost EXACTLY like me, so you know she MUST be an amazing person. I would go into details how much we're alike, but it'll go on forever. anyways, i'm so glad i met her and i have a feeling that we'll be friends for a very very very loooong time :]

Stoobs:
I am sooo thankful for having you as a friend. You're always there for me when i need you even though you're thousands of miles away, literally. And honestly, your friendship is truly genuine, and i know that. I seriously cannot wait to finally see you and hang out with you

My friends:
I know i've said this many times in many different ways and in many different places but i'm gonna say it again. I know i'm a pretty normal person but there's one thing extraordinary about me that i proudly flaunt. Those are my friends. I have the most genuine friends a normal dude can ask for. They are there for me during my darkest hours and are willing to listen dispite being the very busy people they are. you guys know who you are. thank you <3



christmas:

I can not wait to see my family this christmas. It is long overdue and i'm soooo excited. plus, i really need to get away. i have a feeling it'd be a very merry christmas this year!

kiss the rain

we live our lives 20,000 miles an hour but then come to a sudden halt in such times as when a random photograph from the past appears. Suddenly we travel 10 times that speed to a passed time in our lives.

that happened to me yesterday, unexpectedly, but pleasantly.

some people come and go, but a select few touches you for a lifetime.

i did something just now i told myself i'd never do again, and i don't regret a single ounce of it.

thank you.

I no longer love strawberries.

I've always loved strawberries but I just realized, about 20 seconds ago, that I no longer love them like I used to. Maybe it's because the ones I've eaten as of late are not sweet. Either way, I guess your taste changes over time to some things.

So I survived the long week that I blogged about in my last post and I did well on all the tests!! I'm so proud about myself. It's been awhile since I've seen such good grades college classes. I wish I had studied this hard in my undergrad years :P but I'm glad I'm doing it right this time around.

I hadn't gotten into details in awhile so i thought i'd do it now. i'm too lazy to post any pictures so just bear with me.

I had a pretty fun last couple of weekends. I finally got to go to the wild animal park with cynthia last friday and it was very exciting! saturday we played beer pong and I wasn't suppose to get drunk but I did anyways. Studying on Sunday was unproductive because I was so hung over. Sunday night we went to see paranormal which totalled screwed me over because i'm so scared of scary movies. That night, I went to my first knott's halloween haunt with cynthia, mimi, and khoa. I must admit it was pretty fun. I couldn't even sleep that night cuz of paranormal.

I went to hang out with tu, steve, tony, tim, hung, sonny, and daniel this past thursday after I got out of class. We went to buffalo wild wings in bueno park and I have to admit, that place is pretty good. After dinner we saw law abiding citizen, a pretty intense movie. Friday, I had dinner with leo, tu, steve, tony, cynthia, billy and billy's friend ann. Small world because Ann was grove's key club vice president the same time I was treasurer. This was the first time cynthia met my hs buddies so i was kinda excited about that. we went to play pool after that. Michelle and cuzzy kept calling and texting telling me to come over, but I couldn't just leave my friends since they didn't wanna drink. I felt kinda crappy about that but its okay, theres always next time. Everytime me and leo get together, we become idiots again and reminisce about old times. Me and that guy used to have every class together and we were best friends in hs. Now I only see him now and then, but it's okay. We'll always be the best of friends and nomatter how long it's been, its as if a moment never passed when we get together again. That's what I love about my friends, especially my hs buddies (since i hardly see them). They're always there for me, unconditionally. I feel like only a handful of people really know who I am, and they are definitely a part of that group.

so cynthia meeting my hs buddies is definitely a big step. There's only several more important people in my life that she hasn't met. All this has made me realize that I do genuinely like her more than I thought I could ever again. Since my breakup with natty I never really thought i'd find someone i'd like that much again. Cynthia was totally unexpected and random. I'm in a point in my life where my priority is my education and future but I guess you can't control stuff like that. And everything's been difficult for us so far, but I'm still pursuing her, something i've never had to do for a girl before. I guess there's a first for everything.

And honest to goodness, I'm scared to death. So much is at stake if this doesn't work out and I knew this coming into it. I guess what i'm scared of the most is getting hurt again. No one likes the feeling of a broken heart, because nomatter how many hours you spend at the gym, nomatter how good of a guy you are, or nomatter how much her parents and brothers and sisters love you, if her love's gone, nothing else matters. but tu and tony are right. life's too short to hesitate and calculate.

All I really want is to find that one girl who is willing to stick with you through the years, who you can tell your crappy stories to, and spoil with what money you do have. I think that's what we all fight for, at the end of the day. I really hope that I have already found her.

yesterday I went to eat with my dad at black angus. The meal was delicious and I always enjoy spending time with my dad. It reminds me of old times and I miss him everyday. Sometimes i wonder how life would be different if him and my mom were still together, idle thoughts, i know.

anyways, this upcoming week is gonna be another long one. i studied today and yesterday with flora. it's good to see her again. I haven't seen her in the longest time and i must admit, i was beginning to miss her. she's always gonna be one of those that know me best.

when i started writing this entry, i was planning to go to the gym afterwards. now i'm just tired :P but glad to be alive.